No, not the dentist

BRUTALITY FACTOR: Low

Getting an appointment with a dentist is a pain. When he is available, you are not and vice verse. If both do coincide then the date is somewhere in mid of 2012. Its so far ahead, that its hard to remember. That's how I forgot my last appointment. So this time I set a reminder everywhere. On my cellphone, work computer, home computer, a birthday alarm website (which said today's Dentist's birthday), a note in my car, fridge etc.

So all the reminders did work and I showed up at the dentist's office. Well, the wrong one. It was the appointment I forgot about. So I raced to the right one. Even though I made sure I gave all my information over the phone, the lady at the front desk gave me a pad and bunch of papers to fill in. I just wanted to leave right away. A tooth extraction I can sit through, but filling these dreaded forms. Never.

I filled fewer papers for buying a house, for heavens sake. I wish my first name, last name, street, city was called A, B, C and D respectively. It would have been much easier since I had to fill this information over and over again. I had enough after writing it the first time, that I just wrote please refer to page 1 of this pile everywhere else.

The allergy declaration page had so many listed under them that I felt fortunate, I was only allergic to Bush, Toyota's and Russians. But in the two million allergies listed, these three were not included. I think they should be the top three. I anyways selected the 'Others' option and listed them under that. The receptionist didn't find it funny, and just entered that into the system.

And then there was the payment declaration form. Where I had to give them all the information about my bank accounts, credit cards, wife and kids. Just in case, if my insurance doesn't cover. They can strip me dry and put me on the streets.

They asked me for my insurance card which I didn't have. I thought they were one of those credit card company mails which had fake cards in them. So I felt up the mail and threw them away. After about two days I was done with the forms and the receptionist told me to wait for sometime. I did not know it meant eternity. So I fell asleep on the chair.

So once it was eternity'o'clock I was called in. The dentist made me sit on those cool electric recliners. I was about to fall asleep and something else woke me up. It was one of those lights which seemed to be more powerful than the sun. It felt the lights were focused on my eye's and not my mouth. He told me open my mouth wide. Again wider. Again, more wider. Its a mouth and not a castle's door. Dentists need to understand that. And those gloves. Oh my god. I have never tasted so much plastic in my life.

He was shocked on what he saw and told I was a disgrace to the human race. He demonstrated to me, on how to brush which was quite informative. Now I understand that dentists need to communicate with you, but not when you he is sticking in a mirror, a grinder and his whole fist inside my mouth. Obviously, he doesn't understand and wants me to repeat what he said. Like it would make a difference.

He asked if I was there for a cleaning. Again, with his fist still inside my mouth. I said no. He thought yes and cleaned it. He asked if he could do a filling. Again, I said no. He did it anyways. In a similar fashion, got one of my tooth pulled out too. He then asked if there was anything else. I said a yes and he as usual thought it was a no and left the room.

So there I was. Got my teeth cleaned, filled, one pulled out and for sure blind. When I was actually there for orthodontics.