What's in a name?

Normally if you would want to torture a guy, you can either burn his car with, his TV sitting inside. Or, gift him a Corolla. If you want to torture a girl, you can burn her wardrobe. Well, there is a Unisex solution too. Book a ticket for the victim on United Airlines from Chicago's O'Hare airport to Bombay, via London Heathrow.

It'll be a month before that person leaves from Chicago as, United and O'Hare is the worst possible combination. If the plane is ready, the airport won't. If the airport's ready, the plane won't. The mad rains in Bombay, would make sure the flight never lands. And at Heathrow, that person would be made to pass through security about two million times.

Clearly no one likes going through airport security. This also includes the security people themselves. The beverage stores within the airport were clearly going out ot business. If you mark up the prices 1000%, who is going to buy? So the airports decided to ban any sort of liquids. And now the cash registers are ringing non-stop.

A few weeks back, Abdul Kalam was frisked at an airport before boarding a plane. The gentleman he is, he never complained about the incident and let it pass by. But there were other people who were clearly very bored, so they decided to make it a big deal. Asking for an apology even though Abdul Kalam never wanted one.

And this week there was a huge ruckus as Shahrukh Khan had to celebrate Indian independence day in a interrogation room. Apparently he was questioned for about two hours in Newark airport. The problem was apparently his last name which flashed on the custom officials screen.

People say this is a publicity stunt for his new movie. But the fact is that he was questioned. I am not a big fan of SRK, but these security issues have become a pain in the neck. The problem is not about questioning SRK, but questioning of a person with a common name. If they zero in on people with last name as Patel's, Shah's, Khan's, etc., they would be in billions. SRK has been in the US for the couple of months filming his new movie. How come he wasn't questioned on all his previous visits here? Either the customs official was sleeping at his job, or their system is messed up. I think its both. And there hasn't been even one incident where they have foiled an terrorist attack. On the contrary they had missed a Swiss Knife in my bag once.

Security has been intensified everywhere. Right after the 9/11 attack, over 1600 random Muslims with common last names were arrested by the FBI. They were harassed in the worst possible way. All of them had to be released since they were innocent. This again proves that, it is not being done right. All those FBI's should be transferred to the traffic police department. Well on second thoughts, no. Then they would keep ticketing all the Muslims or anyone with a beard.

How can security personnel assume that people with a common last name are suspect worthy? Its like saying since George Bush is from Texas, all the people from there are dumb. My name is actually misspelled in my passport, thanks to the drunk passport officials. So it doesn't sound like a Muslim or a Christian or a Hindu. I often get the question, "Are you even from this planet?". Thanks to that mistake, I haven't been asked to pull over at immigration.

I am going to take extra caution when naming my kid. It will not be a common one. It won't be a Muslim name. I might just name him/her a number instead. Ninety eight for a boy and, Thirty six for a girl sounds good. Oh Wait! I can just name him Obama.